The Phrases shared by A Father Which Helped Us as a Brand-New Father

"I think I was merely in survival mode for a year."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the demands of fatherhood.

However the actual experience quickly proved to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver as well as caring for their infant son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every change… every stroll. The duty of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a talk with his father, on a public seat, that led him to understand he needed help.

The direct statement "You aren't in a good place. You require some help. How can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His situation is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now more comfortable talking about the strain on moms and about PND, less is said about the difficulties new fathers face.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his difficulties are symptomatic of a wider reluctance to open up between men, who continue to hold onto negative ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It is not a show of failure to seek help. I failed to do that quick enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a pause - going on a short trip overseas, outside of the home environment, to gain perspective.

He came to see he had to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states alongside the day-to-day duties of taking care of a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to more fully comprehend the expression of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked reliable male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences caused his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "poor actions" when younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as an escape from the pain.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he says. "They might briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Strategies for Coping as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a family member, your spouse or a therapist about your state of mind. This can to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the pursuits that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. This might be playing sport, seeing friends or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - a good diet, physical activity and if you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mental state is coping.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - hearing about their experiences, the difficult parts, as well as the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead provide the safety and emotional support he lacked.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their pain, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their children.

"I'm better… processing things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, on occasion I believe my role is to guide and direct you how to behave, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding just as much as you are in this journey."